Where have I been?
I must lived under a rock for the past year or so.
I did not know until today that Blueboy’s Keith Girdler and Kurt Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse 5, Cat’s Cradle) have already passed away.
Did I have a life before today? Or do I now just have too much web-surfing time on my hands?
Things Amiss
[Current Mood]: missing
[Current Music]: ebtg – like the deserts miss the rain
to the boy who had stars in his hair,
guess how much i miss you?
from the girl whose eyes flutter.
[Current mood]: Missing the moon
[Current music]: Let’s Go Out Tonight by Craig Armstrong
To the girl with the infectious laugh,
As much as I miss you.
From the boy most likely to drown.
and then, isobel asks me, “isn’t it dreary there? what ever do you two do?” i answer:
oh. quite a lot.
we kiss. we hug. we wrestle. we dance. we go to school. we declare our own holidays. we watch double features at the local cinema. we scour thrift shops.
sometimes, we just stay in his room. i clean the nails of his graceful fingers and he massages my heel-weary feet. i’d feign slumber so i’d hear him pick up his guitar and sing to me softly. he reads me neruda, i smother him with winterson. when tired of being literary, we throw the books away and just kisskisskiss. he makes me the best coffee and i make circles of smoke spin and diasappear around him.
on lazy afternoons, we sprawl on his bed, look out the window and watch the sky until it turns into the deepest blue hue…
i could go on, but then again, i’d rather not bore you…
A heart disease called love.
I woke up late this morning and found myself listening to Field Mice. Willow. Holland Street. The End of the Affair. Field Mice is synonymous to sadness. I’m a little worried. I’m a little scared. I might be in you-know-what which means I might once again be fast-forwarding myself to ruin.
I think he has a weak heart. He can’t cope up with my smokes, my pulse, my pace.
My heart easily quickens. It could beat wildly for hours. Yet, it is an old heart. It has been around. It has been there and back.
His is smashingly new. A virgin heart, I must say, which admittedly fell only now. It is reckless. It is used to not caring but, strangely, it does now. Don’t get me wrong. His heart quickens, too.
But it has a tendency to suddenly stop.
I already told you he has a weak heart. And I’m afraid it isn’t strong enough to stay next to mine.
I’m even more afraid that if it dies on me, I might not be able to revive it.
